Here’s the deal.
Most of us have dealt with a break up or rejection. We didn’t want it to end, we wanted them to choose us. They didn’t, but yet we still feel the need to check up on their twitter, facebook, instagram, etc.
Did they move on? Are they with someone else? These are normal questions one might have after a break up, but that’s where it should end. There is a healthy level of curiosity, and then their is stalking.
One is wonder, a single phone call or text periodically, and/or a conversation about an ex or a love interest with a mutual friend. The other is intrusive, unwanted, disrespectful, fixated, and selfish.
Stalking or Obsession with a person crosses an imaginary boundary. Acts that are considered stalking can include but is not limited to: persistent texts, emails, phone calls, monitoring, surveillance, trespassing, and other criminal, crude, or violent acts. An important question to ask: how are my actions affecting the other person.
The reality is most of us have felt this romantic obsession at least once in our life. A break up happens and we don’t feel our secure selves. We feel a little neurotic or crazy.
Healthy cut-off is important for both your emotional health and the object of your affection’s emotional and physical safety. So how do you end your strong urges to know everything about what an ex or a love interest is doing? How do you cease obsessing and acting on it?
1. Don’t try to deal with this on your own. Please ask for help! Tell a trusted friend or therapist that you are struggling, and have them check in with you to keep you accountable for not acting on your impulses.
2. This might be the hardest piece of advice to stomach, but FEEL YOUR FEELINGS. Grieve. Cry. Deal. Process. The bad ones suck, I know, but learning how to deal with them and tolerate will make you a better person and help you deal with disappointment in life, which is inevitable.
3. End all contact- Do not keep the hope as an existing force with continued contact: Do what deleting and blocking you must to end the texts, emails, phone calls, Facebook status checks, Instagram and twitter monitoring. If you cannot deal with your feelings without compulsively acting on your obsession, then pick a few activities that make you feel happy so you can distract yourself until you are able to tolerate these negative emotions without acting out.
4. Take them off the pedestal: The object of your obsession is not perfect, and they are not the only way for you to be happy. Thus, I encourage you to be realistic about this man or woman. They may have some good qualities, but also name some of the bad. Not for revenge sake, but to understand that they may not be the sole person to fulfill you. Fill yourself first. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t want you too? Maybe one of your life goals is to feel loved and in love. That is a great goal. YOU HAVE TO REALIZE, THOUGH, THAT THIS PERSON HAS DECLINED BEING THE PERSON WHO WILL HELP YOU DO THAT.
Break ups and rejection are so hard. However, if they do not want you in their life, leave them alone. IT IS THE HEALTHIEST OPTION SO THAT YOU ALSO CAN MOVE ON. YOU CAN DO THIS. BE PROUD OF YOURSELF WHEN YOU DO!