Life is full of unexpected and unfortunate crap.
A few weeks ago, I was getting my haircut by this sweet, attractive, wonderful, newly engaged, 27 year old fella with a baby on the way, and today I get an email from a mutual friend that said her buddy (my hair stylist) went into the ER a few days ago and after biopsies and tests, found out he had cancer. WTF?!!
Ugh to stress! Relationships are hard, work is hard, friendships can be hard, death is hard, having high self esteem and confidence is hard, etc., so when a crisis happens, it creates an unexpected, overwhelming identity crisis as well as an addition to the normal amount of difficulty and stress that come with these aforementioned topics. Here are a few ideas to help get us through the moment in crisis.
1.
Know that “We” are stronger than “I” can be alone. Don’t try to handle the crisis alone. We were made for community and for connection. Talk to someone. A friend. Parent. Therapist. The person who cares about your well being more than anyone is a great start.
2. 
Take a step back and see the bigger picture. “Pain and Beauty are entangled in a big knot called HOPE.” Know that there is struggle and stress, but there is also character development, strength, and making yourself better for the long run. There is some brightness out there, go find the light and bathe!
3. 
“The Joy of The Lord will be my strength.” If faith is a resource to you, lean in during crisis. We live in a world that is imperfect and where free will sometimes mean people hurt us. Believing that there is a higher power out there bigger than your pain and your suffering who cares and hurts with you and wants to comfort you can be helpful. Meditation and prayer have scientifically been shown to reduce the release of cortisol (an arousal hormone) in your brain.
4. Have emotions, understand that it is okay to experience the range of emotions, but Don’t emotionally React. Don’t hurt others in your hurt.
Know that a broken heart is a part of your story that helps you understand and empathize with others’ heartache. It’s also is helps you appreciate when the good love comes around. Never underestimate the power of ruling out 🙂 Stick your heart out there, and although it may get broken, keep glue nearby to mend it. Let it stay warm and not grow cold.
5. Knocked off your pedestal and freaking out at what others might be thinking about you? Take a breath. Think about that middle school dance you went to where you felt so awkward and thought everyone is looking at you.
Well, guess what? Everyone else is thinking and feeling that about themselves too. They are not worried about your shortcomings because they are so preoccupied with their own. We are all so self critical and want to be seen as perfect, but the sooner we realize that is impossible the better we will be able to handle a crisis. How many perfectionists do you know that are perfect?
Anyway, I hope that:
A) having someone to lean on, B) keeping HOPE, C) having faith D) remembering that a failed Relationship, Job, etc. is just a learning lesson that helps you rule out out what didn’t work and why, and E) not trying to be perfect but just accept that you are doing the best you can,
will help you get through the next crisis that comes your way successfully.
WendyLMFT 